I can’t wait for the semester to be over, for finals to end, for papers to be written. We have been analyzing everything to the point where it becomes devoid of meaning. I have to work hard to keep from being sucked into a completely relativistic world where it’s pointless to try to understand anything. Classes, though amusing, have become sophist arenas of rhetoric and rhetorical questions. There is rich beauty and deep meaning in the world, but academia keeps trying to bleach it white. I am full of wonder and poetry! I want to grasp the universe! I want to run in the rain and dance in the snow; I want to draw, crochet, create. Pedantic academic discourse just leaves my soul feeling empty and my mind feeling flat.

It was weird to go out into town the other day and see Christmas advertising. There has not been much in the way of holiday paraphernalia at Reed, and yet I feel more in the spirit of the season than I’ve felt in years. It may have to do with the crisp air, the baking, the feeling of family I get when I’m around my friends… Gifts seem completely unimportant, though I have a great desire to create something festive to share with others — I have several ideas, just wait and see. Perhaps the normal inundation of decorations, music, and materialism drowned my enthusiasm in years past. Popular culture constructs an ideal for how the holidays are supposed to be experienced, but it ends up feeling oppressive. In the absence of all the usual trimmings, however, I’m finding all the warm and comfortable feelings that the season is supposed to inspire — even that little touch of magic.

In short, the semester has gone well, but academia is moving further into the periphery of my focus in life. Other things mean much more to me now, bringing me joy and commanding my curiosity. I don’t yet know how to define this new realm, but I keep wanting to just call it “life.”